Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize