idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
