you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
