Buhtt sex?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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