Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
