Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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