thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
