I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
