Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
