she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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