I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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