Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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