Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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