When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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