don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just cropdusted the office
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
