i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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