saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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