so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
