I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So squirting runs in the family.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
