Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
