It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize