Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
