So drunk its hurt
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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