i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
