The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
