everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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