I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My vagina is officially offended.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
