Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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