I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
