Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
