Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
