What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
