Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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