I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
