The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
