I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
where are my eyebrows?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
