My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
