RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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