so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
