Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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