I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
