you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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