I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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