Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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