It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
