I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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