My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
