fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
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He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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