Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
