I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
