if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
