I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i believe in u and ur pee
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