I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
