I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
