i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
50% drunk capacity currently
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Randomize
