I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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