I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
