i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
