she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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