Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize