I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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