If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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