And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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