There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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