Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
