i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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