currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
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and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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