sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
