I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
