Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
