so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
