Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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