"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
