When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
