I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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