you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
