I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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