There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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