carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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