i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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