DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
