You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
