I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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