It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
