this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I love you. Go after that dick
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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