I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
