he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
