how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
