I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
